This week marks the 4th anniversary of my dad's death.
With each passing year, the anniversary seems to get lost a bit more in life's activities. This year has been different. My dad and I had a "typical" father/daughter relationship. We certainly had our ups and downs, and he wasn't the best at "sharing or expressing" feelings. We didn't go to daddy/daughter dances, there were no long phone calls from college wanting to know everything I was doing, and when my husband showed him my engagement ring to ask for his blessing he said "Don't you want to give this to Brenda?" You get the picture.....
He had his "quirks" that left us all scratching our heads. For example his drawers full of un-opened playing cards. He would always say "I like to start off each game with a new deck, and make sure you bury me with some!" The family joke is his HUGE stash of school supplies. He was a frequent shopper at staples, he could have opened up a small office with all his purchases. To this day, we still "shop" in grandpa's room for folders, paper, pencils etc.
But I did know he loved me.
This week I found myself having random memories about him, and these were "true" memories. Not things you
think you remember because you have seen a photo a thousand times, or it's part of a funny family story, these were genuine.
The first came when I was walking through a parking lot trying to avoid all the puddles. I remembered when I was about five walking with my Dad to Aco Hardware, we would go all the time so he could use his coupon for a free deck of cards, (Yes the hoarding started then!) Like any other kid, the thought of jumping into a puddle was too hard to resist, so I jumped in the biggest one I saw, and covered my dad with muddy water! Needless to say it was NOT a quiet ride home! Later I remember hearing him tell my mom the story and laughing about it, saying, "I can't believe she did that, I had to scold her though, but it was a "good" jump, she had so much fun!" Now I realize the parenting lesson my dad gave me. Kids need to know their boundaries. Kids
will be kids, tell them what they did wrong, ground them if they deserve it, but allow yourself to laugh and enjoy the journey of their childhood. Thanks dad, I have enjoyed watching my sons grow, I've disciplined them when they deserved it, allowed them to be kids, and had lots of "Laughs" along the way.
The second memory came when I was looking out the window, searching for any sign of Spring, and anticipating all the upcoming yard work. I started to laugh because, I remembered how my dad would make me pull all the weeds along our fence, I chore I hated! I would tell him "Why don't you just take the fence down, and mow over the weeds? or just make the yard one big patio so I don't have to do this?" His reply "Someday you will appreciate having a yard, get to work!" Thanks dad, I heard you loud and clear...Today I love gardening, there is not a weed in my yard!
The last memory came when I was sewing. I remembered how my dad called me and said "I bought your mom a sewing machine for Christmas" To which I quickly replied "WHAT, nobody SEWS any more, take it back, that was a dumb idea!" He gave it to her anyways, and said, "I don't care if it sits in the basement for years, Maybe someday YOU may want to sew something, and it will be here for you to use." Hmmmm need I say more, years later I borrowed that machine, and never gave it back! Thanks dad!
I really miss my dad, he may not have been a "warm and fuzzy" kind of guy, but he always sent flowers on Valentines day, and brought over a "Paczki" on Fat Tuesday. Sometimes it's not what people say that's most important, it's what they do. My dad's actions spoke volumes over his words, and I'm so great full that I finally opened my eyes to see them!
P.S. "Hey dad, I hope your using those decks of cards I sent along with you!"
XO
Brenda
